Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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