I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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