Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
