So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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