so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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