proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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