Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
