my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize