Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
