I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
