In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
