This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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