Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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