This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
