Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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