after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
