he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm too high and old for this...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
