a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
