I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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