I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
