Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
