Sry I called you an 8
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
