I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
