So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
