were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
