I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
