Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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