My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
