Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
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