I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
