ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
