i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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