with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
