ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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