there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I believe in your delicious
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
