Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
