you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
