She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
