she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
