white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
