When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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