so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
