if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize