SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
