I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I supernannyed him into submission
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
