exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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