ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
