he wants to bone in the snuggie
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
