I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
