i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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