U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
