I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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