Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
