I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
