Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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