Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm sobbing to NWA
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
