My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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