found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
