I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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