i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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