I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
