you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
