Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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