singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
40s are totally the cure
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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