i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
