Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
