We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
