you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
