I just pynch a tree in the face
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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