So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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