you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
