i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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