so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
