i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I faked an abortion last night.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
