I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The best revenge is premature balding
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
