Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
