Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
