Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
