my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
They should really pass out barf bags in church
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
