We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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