"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
