He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dear god my vagina.
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