K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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