Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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