I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I will pee on everything he values.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
