Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
