spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
