He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
