a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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