the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize