I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
