took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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